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Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised.
It's not what we say, but rather how we say it Do you identify with any of these statements?
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- "He never listens to me when I talk!"
- "She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"
- "It's like talking to a brick wall"
- "I can't get through to you"
- "We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"
- "She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"
- "He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues"
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For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.
Listening and Feedback
The ancient red indians had an excellent solution for repairing communication issues using the talking stick. Each person held the stick to speak, totally interrupted, and then when complete, the talking stick was handed across to the other, who at which point was required to repeat back what was said, before engaging in their own topics.
Communication tends to fail for the following reasons:
Conflict of Realities And The Need To Be Right
Conflict can only occur when 2 or more people see something differently and want to be right about it.
As all people have the right to believe what they want, and are not required by God to always see things our way, we can let go of the need to always be right - and to agree to disagree.
It's that simple - Conflict Eliminated!
Not Hearing What Is Said And Making It Mean Something.
We live in such a busy world these days, it's easy to not listen at all!
The biggest issue with the hearing concept however, is how we can often apply a completely different interpretation to what is being said. e.g.
What she said was: "I really need you to be early for this date, so we don't miss the movie."
What he heard was: "You're always late for everything and you'll probably be late for this movie too ... I just don't trust you can turn up on time!"
The Way That It's Said And Sticking Pins Into Each Other
Here's a cute analogy.
Once upon a time, there was a placid little mouse and a cheeky rabbit walking along to market. The mouse wasn't really a good conversationalist so to get her attention the rabbit would jokingly jab a knitting needle into her butt.
"Please don't do that" the mouse chuckled gaily, and they continued along.
Later on the rabbit got a bit bored again and once again jabbed the mouse with the knitting needle to get her attention. He laughed heartily.
"I said would you PLEASE not do that!" the not-so-placid-now little mouse said looking sternly into the cheeky rabbits eyes ... who incidentally had just received the best adrenalin rush of his day.
Again and again the naughty rabbit jollily pressed the knitting needle into her derriere, thinking how beautiful she was when she was angry, as each time her fury escalated .... until finally the once-placid-little-mouse, grabbed hold of the knitting needle and stabbed the rabbit fair through the brain.
Hmmm!
We'll let you work out the moral of this story :) | 
